I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize