I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
