i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
