I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Randomize
