Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
