i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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