Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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