life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
