UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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