I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
