I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
