I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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