Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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