So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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