At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
