Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
