He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
