he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
