I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
