3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
