Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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