I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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