they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
