Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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