I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
