Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
