For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
