i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize