it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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