So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
either way he was missing a nipple.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
