mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
