Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
