I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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