i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
