His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
