Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
