In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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