I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
