I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
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