Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
