hotel room ftw
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
