You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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