Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Congratulations! We have a period
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