pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
