i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
