mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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