Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
