While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
