I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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