If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
