Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
