I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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