He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
