I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
