If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
