then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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