Im at strip club and am horny
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
