Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I have fence marks all over my body
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
