I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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