Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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