There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
