better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
