Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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